Monthly Archive: June 2015

The Catharsis and Growth That Comes From Writing

This blog basically started due to the need to express myself and put some of my thoughts out into the universe. I have never been a writer and as I am sure you can tell, writing does not come naturally for me. Finding the right words and keeping my train of thought succinct is a struggle for me. I can say that this has been very cathartic and good for my spirit, heart, and mind. There is something so powerful about writing something down. It is like the thoughts become real and you have to face the thoughts. I am not always proud of what I say or think but by writing exactly how I feel, I think I am able to digest the information, change and grow. My feelings are that I have grown closer to my son by writing this blog. By reading my earliest entries, I am reminded of how I felt at the beginning of this blog. This helps remind me to keep the connection with my son open, available, and heart-felt. Now, I can’t say I am always on and that this connection is always super strong. I do feel though that our bond is stronger. I know I am not the perfect mother but I work on recognizing and improving my deficiencies. I still want to be a better mom and continually strive to be the mom CB deserves.

Feeling Positive

Life is always an interesting and somewhat unpredictable journey. Today, I am feeling positive and excited about what tomorrow holds for me, CB, and our family. I think I am still floating from a really good yoga session earlier and this wonderful iced latte, but I am not going to question it. Oh, and I just realized Portishead is playing in the background. This music feel me with nostalgia and warm feelings. I spent many a day in college sitting in coffee shops soaking up the positive vibes of Portishead’s tunes.

So, I think CB and I are connecting really well these days. He cuddles with me more and wants me included in more of his activities. I think I have been in a better place to handle situations more gracefully and calmly. I have this natural inclination to say “no” to things. It is something I have struggled with in my professional and personal life. For me, I think it serves me well b/c it makes me think about things before I do them and helps me to think analytically. However, in my interactions with others, it comes off like I am finding the negative in the situation, dissing the other person’s idea, or being a Debbie Downer. I am trying to fight my initial urge and say “yes” to more things and to let more things go.

Olem and I had one of those “Things that make you go hmmm…” moments this week with CB. Before I get to this moment, I will provide some background on CB that got us to that point. So if CB is engaged in just about anything and we want his attention, he will most of the time not respond to us until about the 3rd-5th time we say his name. I know part of this is related to the fact he processes information slower than most kiddos his age. At times it is also apparent that he has his mind set on something and will not be deterred until he completes his desired task. It is very frustrating b/c we cannot always get to him and physically touch him to get his immediate attention, and we need him to stop or respond to us soon to protect himself or others. He also will re-enact whatever undesirable behavior we want him to stop doing. For example, if we ask CB to not hit his brother. He will then proceed to hit his brother again. If I say, don’t throw that car. He will throw the car and potentially all those around him. OK, now that you have the background, Olem and I, played a game with CB kind of like simon says. We would say things like “Roll your car towards your dad.” or “Don’t touch your head.” or “Clap your hands” or “Don’t look at me.” You get the idea. In every scenario, CB did the action regardless of whether it had the word “Don’t” in front of it. Now, if we asked CB what we said, he would take a moment and correctly tell us that we told him not to do the action. We therefore know that he knows what is being requested of him, but it seems like his automatic response is to do the action mentioned regardless of the context around it. After a little while, he thought it was silly to do what we said not to do. I get that. After all, we use reverse psychology often to get him or his brother to do something. We could tell initially though that he was trying to play the game properly. So, this is something else for me to research and to see how we can help CB in these situations.

Oh, I love this warm weather we are lately experiencing. Getting to send the kiddos outside to run around and play has been good for all of us.